girls

summary: it's everything all the time always! I love my sisters and everything we've made together!

girls

I love you trans girls. I recognize your eyes everywhere I go. I love my sisters the very most, above anyone else. you are the most wonderful thing in the world to me.

I love the girl at the gas station. I love the girl in the grocery store aisle. I love the girl on the train. I love the girl who boasts and is either cool or uncool about it. I love the girl who calls herself cringe and annoying. I love the girl asserting ignorant and naïve claims online. I love the girl I don't like much at all. I love the stranger, the friend, the lover, the former lover, the former friend, the long-lost and the long-awaited and the dead.

I love those who have been harmed. I love the girls with teeth filed down and the girls who reach into razor-sharp mouths with a metal rasp in hand. I love the blameless and the innocent. I love the girls who have transgressed and learned from it. I love the girls who have made mistakes you can't come back from. I love the girls who will never figure out what confounds them. it is their right. it is all our right.

I love the girl who has been the victim. I love the girl who has been taken away by the governor's men, disappeared into the invisible walls of the carceral system. I love the girl who has known true fear. the girl whose last words were, "find me," and fled into the fleeting safety of a cool, blue night. I love the girl who has found new love after years and years. I love the girl who has broken the brake handle off as she hurtles forward screaming with some great and overwhelming force at her back.

I love the girls who are alone and to whom neither company nor safety has been offered. I love the girls who found their net. I love the girls who finally got a chance, and I love the girls who can't catch a fucking break. I love you when you're sober. I love you when you're wasted. I love you when you're recovering. I love you when you've relapsed and when you're putting it all back together again.

I love you when we're close and when we're distant and when you've forgotten me. something happened to me, or perhaps my brain is just wired a certain way, that even when we slingshot apart from one another, I have never forgotten a single girl I've ever met, long past the expiration date on their names of the time.

I love the girl to whom these words are empty and shallow and meaningless. I love the girl who does not believe I could feel something like this. I love the girl who would ask me to prove it, even if she moves the goalposts indefinitely. I love the girl who would set me up to fail, just as we all have been.

I love my sisters who have been forgotten. I love my sisters who wear the clothes of another. I love my sisters who have known every sorrow. I love my sisters who are marked for death. I love my sisters who are pursued by strange men who would seek to violently erase their names, just as trail huntsmen and their dogs obliterate a woodland creature until it is little but a red stain on the soil of the forest floor. I love the girls who have everything they've ever wanted. I love the girls who can't get their hands on a single bit of it. I love the girls who feel they will never be satisfied. I love the girls who are any combination of the three.

I love the girls who stand accused of an Ultimate Crime, from predation & murder to self-defense & being misunderstood to being a scapegoat & possessing a sense of self to possessing a name at all & casting a shadow below streetlamps.

I love the girls who renounced humanity or never had it. down, down, down in the towns where the nights feel longer, the esoteric orders of the land and sea assemble in the trees. ears and tails and cloaks and wooden masks identify the faithful – order of the fox, order of the lamb, order of the bobcat, order of the wild dog. on one such night as this winter night, lanterns and pen lights guide their way. they carry whistles and yips and yelps and growls, an echoing howl of spirits just out of sight beyond the tree line.

tough country men and the posh comfortable homeowner types of all-American stripes grow anxious and paranoid and bark at their children to get back into bed, eyeing dark shapes and thereafter exclaiming, heralding the arrival of the New Satanic Panic. but here are things predating even nascent notions of the god of Abraham. even dense city streets have been wild with coyotes by night, making fires in upright gaits and dancing in railyards and scrapyards and alleyways.

I love the girls who bear the curse and the treasure and the faith in every measure. the god of dark spaces waits behind every door. the full moon is rising. may her tides rise forevermore.

boston

the city has only treated me well.

romance

I have found it and it is mine; I drink from its rivers like the thirstiest pilgrim. I am marked as belonging to her.

vigor

it's in my pocket and I hum with electricity.

flow

I have been channeling the spirit of magic.

eyes

I share mine with you now.

the year 2025

it was about finding love and learning to wield an open and vulnerable heart. I got hurt a lot along the way, but that's okay. I've accomplished so much. I learned so many things. I'm drawing again. I have a website that I care about working on. I'm in a pair of incredibly loving and fulfilling relationships. I'm surrounded by friends who mean the world to me. I feel safe and loved and valued. I'm in tune with the faith and the wind is at my back. I love the place I live. I'm in love with who I've become. I'm the best I've ever been. I'm thankful to be here with you.

thank you for reading, and a happy new year to you all.