tackle box

2026 | 2025

2 May 2026 [20:52]

genuinely one of the most distressing things for me lately is how few other indian women I know. I feel so alienated and pretty much hopeless. the indian american diaspora is so already atomized on its own for preexisting divisions within indian society concerning caste, ethnicity, language, religion, and political ideology. chances are high that when I do meet another desi here, they're some variant of hindutva and think positively of the partition. that's before we even reach the topic of transness, and even after that, they may still not like me. I struggle to think of how to connect with other desi americans, especially when the ones I've met don't typically associate with other desis. it feels like such a stupid problem to have and I think there's a part of me that really believes that even if I learn hindi/urdu or punjabi, I'll still get the cold shoulder. maybe someone out there has an answer. maybe someone out there knows how to push through this kind of thing. maybe I don't need to be alone, but god I feel it. I'm sure someone can relate to feeling so frozen out of their own culture.

13 April 2026 [00:54]

I did it I did it I did it!!!!!!! it took MONTHS but I completely redid the entire Look section and added a ton of cool things to look at :) thank you all for sticking with me even as I went quiet for a while. I've been up to a lottt in that time!

6 March 2026 [15:47]

btw the value of a break CANNOT be understated!! cut yourself some slack! you'll have so much more energy if you take a little longer to rest. it doesn't have to feel like a slog!

6 March 2026 [15:38]

I think I can do anything

6 March 2026 [15:34]

talking with my girlfriend about my deepest anxieties and needs and resolving it well + having a satisfying breakfast before leaving the house + coffee after that makes me feel fucking AWESOME and I never want to stop feeling this way!!!! once I start working out regularly it's going to be even better. I need to remember how awesome and energized and alert I feel because this shit RULES. is this how everyone is supposed to feel?? WOW

13 January 2026 [15:47]

there is always this anxious nervous rush I feel when formulating and executing a plan that reminds me of the gray-white environments of certain libraries and televised city council meetings in small Michigan towns. nobody has ever heard of swords and spears, and the world is knit from the biting, scratchy, uncomfortable yarn of procedural uncertainty. the human stomach is lined with bristles of fear, but if you root around in there long enough, up to the elbows or higher in molasses, you can find a gem of determination that will blind you like the roaring sun above

12 January 2026 [21:36]

I have been working on a very large and incredibly tedious website project, so I've been too busy to write about other things. I have learned a lot. I will continue to finish all of the terrible things I'm accomplishing by hand. once that's DONE and it's OVER I'm going to make javascript my bitch and freaky little pet so that I NEVER have to do this again