Sacrament

How it should feel

I recognize that a part of me tends to justify things that are important to me with a more functional or utilitarian justification, i.e. this thing is important because it does X thing. It is certainly important that we have an idea of the function, as knowing our direction will inform the process. That being said, I will acknowledge this and remind myself that this process does not need to rely only on some cosmic utility removed from ourselves. We can also do this because it feels good. I have a personal worry about overexplaining myself, and I struggle sometimes because I'll fixate on proving to others that I am serious; I'll build a watertight case for why I believe something because I'm convinced I need to persuade others beyond a reasonable doubt of certain basic things. I'm doing it now, even, in this aside. But I honestly think that this point is worth explaining.

It will not be good nor enjoyable nor productive if we are having a bad time. We did not come to this life to suffer. Why bother doing this if it feels bad?

Suffering pointlessly for your god is harmful to yourself and your faith. It creates bad associations and instills the wrong kind of fear.

It is good to do things that are enjoyable. You will like it and want to continue doing it. It builds your love.

You have permission to decline things that do not feel good. Sometimes you will want to test yourself and emerging on the other side feels good - we're not talking about that. You always have the choice to say no.

You have permission to suggest things that do feel good. Sometimes you will want something that is scary and physically feels bad. The frightening and gentle things alike are at your disposal.

You have permission, and the power and self-motivation, to do things that feel good. Even if you are only doing them for that purpose alone. This is fundamental to living well regardless of faith.

Why does this matter so much? We will invariably be trying different things over time. Some things will be repeated and some will be done only once. Some will feel right and some will not. It may even be difficult to explain why. It's important to have these guidelines to give us the opportunity to focus on what we want, and to prevent ourselves from feeling stuck doing something that we don't. Three important tools we have are the decision to decline (even without a reason), the decision to try new things and explore together, and the decision to do something again, whether the same way or with some modification.

Encouraging positive participation

Communal activities, like laying of hands, recitation of prayers, and ideally something constructive

Building something together over time ties you to it - not binding, but contributory

One idea I have here is a long rope, cord, or net that we can tie or affix things to

Banner or ribbon that we can write our prayers onto directly, or create over time by stitching them together. Maybe the long term deal here is that this becomes a quilt

Getting individuals to help with blessings, ceremonial tasks, and non-ceremonial duties (set up, clean up, etc)

Encouraging stories of the sea, brief contributions of memories to help us relate to the subject of worship and to each other. How brief is too brief, how long is too long? Unsure of this, but it needs to be short enough where each speaker can start, ease into the natural moment when you express the beauty and power of the ocean, and not so long that it sidelines others or diminishes how they feel about their contributions. It's very important to keep this rotating, maybe a couple contributions per Sacrament unless there's only like three or four people, and it's important that no one feels forced or pressured into this especially, or it very likely won't be authentic and genuine. Maybe mention this early on and have it take place later in the event so participants have time to consider it. In the event of many attendees with several people wanting to contribute - very exciting! - some sort of ceremonial random selection (i.e. popsicle stick method)? This is only really a concern if it'd make everything else pressed for time, since I want to hear everyone's stories.

Food and drink. It's a natural way to meet everyone's needs. I would like to keep this very accessible, so I would like it to be sober and with appropriate dietary options for everyone. I'd like something routinely available that everyone can have, but with such varied dietary restrictions, I don't want to pin it to any sort of thing where consuming it is part of the religious experience. That's what the saltwater is for.

Minimizing harm and disinterest

Why am I so fixated on this? Aside from how being careless and dismissive of harm obviously negatively impacts people individually, as well as the faith, some people are astoundingly bad at expressing or even knowing when they don't want something. Crucially, this is not their fault and they are not solely responsible. Sometimes we need to have our options explicitly stated and acknowledged for them to feel valid and viable.

A degree of mutual trust is important. I need to trust that the people who are there want to be there. They need to have some trust in each other and me because it will be vulnerable. And they need to have some trust that I believe in this and that I want them there.

Setting expectations will make everything easier. This is for several reasons. There will be some amount of self selection based on personal interest - it will not be necessary to prove or explain important things that I need to be in our shared understanding, e.g. spending time together blessing each other in the ocean’s name is a worthwhile pursuit. Communication at the beginning of service will provide an opportunity to define things I want to have happen. It will prepare everyone to be in the right mindset. It will give them things to anticipate. People will know what will happen and may be prepared to excuse themselves for something before it happens in a manner that's not disruptive.

Dedicated time immediately following service for an unrelated activity. Doing something outside the formal context of service after it's over will allow everyone to process it together, voice ideas, and maintain the momentum of communal bonding. We are doing this vulnerable and significant thing together, so I think it's important that we're invested in each other just as well as our god.

Checking in afterward will allow for a good time to discuss events together and provide care for each other individually if it's needed. It will also be a good time to gauge how everyone feels across the spectrums of interest and enjoyment, and to receive feedback and ideas for next time.

With these things in mind, it is important to have ample time and an itinerary to make sure we are properly caring for each other. Some of the things we will try may involve pain and discomfort - physically, emotionally, and perhaps spiritually. It will involve being vulnerable and open and these things can be difficult. Not having enough time to care for each other undermines the point of this in the long run. If I must cut something short for time, I may summarize a sermon or alter a ceremony and try again on a different day. But ideally, we will have good planning, and that won't be necessary at all.

note: A healthy fear of our god is one where we understand the vastness and enormity of its power, its long life, and its dangers. It is about respect for things that are far, far larger than you and honoring them with mindfulness and caution. The wrong kind of fear is one where you are terrified of punishment and retribution from those same things. It eclipses love. Like an animal or the force of gravity, it will harm you if not treated with care, but it is not a thing that is inherently harmful or that seeks to hurt you. If there comes a time where you believe that the Ocean Mother seeks to punish you in every waking moment, that you are due to receive punishment for sins or transgressions, I think I will have failed you, and I'm so so sorry. If you believe that I'm seeking these things, then I've certainly failed you. I never want this.